The Power of the Boy Band
Written by Meg Ruocco
Photography by Tori Tiso
It’s happened. There’s a new boy band in town and this time, they’re edgy. One Direction who? NSYNC when? I don’t know them. All I know and all I will know for the next two-to-three years until their inevitable break up is the latest Simon-Cowell-manufactured, teeny-bopper sensation, PRETTYMUCH. Even their name is intrusive. In this 2018 resurgence of the Boy Band, they’re back in full force and now they dance. Remember when 1D prided themselves on being different than the other Boy Bands because they refused to dance? I really can’t believe we all fell for that. How did we forget about how fun watching a group of five interchangeable dudes in tight pants do a synchronized box step was? It’s hypnotic. And PRETTYMUCH’s step-touches and pop-and-locks are irresistible. I don’t mean to call the members of PRETTYMUCH interchangeable. You have, of course, the Shy One, the Funny One, the Cool One, the Hot One, and the Miscellaneous One. Five unique personalities, each catered to the five types of girls there are in the world. Now, I’m a little late to this party. According to my sources—aka a quick skim of the headlines about the band on Google’s first page—they’ve been together since 2016. But two years in means that I’ve discovered them in their prime, and I can’t wait to soak up every latest crooning rendition about how I don’t know how pretty I am until they tell me. That said, I’ve had their song “Would You Mind” stuck in my head for the past three days. I know. I KNOW. I shouldn’t get sucked in like this every time, right? I know that every 5-7 years the music industry pumps out the five most eligible teen bachelors, perfectly dressed and coiffed to fit the aesthetic of the hottest trends. But I can’t help it! I’ll jam, I’ll jive, and I’ll groove to their predictable melodies until my hips get sore because now I’m a little too old for their music and my joints are frail. Boy Bands are Lucy with the football and I am Charlie Brown. Every time I think “this one will be different” and every time I fall. So if anyone knows how to get a song out of their head, let me know.